---wIsHin9 fOr a fAiRyLanD..

[[* A Blessing *]]

I never asked
For a blessing like you.
Like I've spoken to God
And my wishes came true.

I asked for a person
To love and to hold.
To be loyal and faithful
Not angry and cold.

God placed you on the earth
As a quest to find.
The one who would be there
So sweet and kind.

In my wildest dreams
I would have denied.
That something so perfect
Could at all be supplied.

You have such a sweet face,
But you are so much more.
You're my boyfriend and I love you,
Your flaws I ignore.

With this small, simple statement
I give you and pray,
That you'll love me forever,
And forever you'll stay.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Made Up mY MinD

Made up my mind nt to be so soft-hearted.. everytime someone cries, i cry too.. i cry when im angry too.. cry when im sad n stressed up.. and juz becox i cry, ppl take advantage of tt.. using it against mi.. they come crying to mi after doing sth wrong.. apologising.. n then i cry.. becox i see the tears on their faces.. becox tears melt my heart.. i forgive them.. n then i get slapped in the face again after some time.. so many times i regret forgiving them.. yet again, i forgive them each them they apologise and start crying.. god made mi an emotional person.. n people take advantage of mi.. each time saying they'll change.. bt each time, i get slapped in the face again.. back to square 1.. always..

In relationships.. nv was i able to find someone who i can truly trust and love.. someone who'll change n nt go back to square 1 when he says he'll change.. someone's who independent.. someone i can rely on.. a man.. nt a baby.. nt someone who checks on mi.. who checks my hp, copy my frens' number and call them when i cant be found.. checking my hp when i aint arnd.. snooping arnd my rm.. trying to steal my diary.. someone who cant take no for an answer.. i dun need someone who is dependent on mi.. dun want someone who cant stand on his own.. i want someone who'll respect my decision.. even if it's juz nt accompanying him to meet his frens or going hm.. what's wrong with nt wanting to go anywhere? giving me tt oh-so-i-cant-read-ur-sms look each time someone msges mi n i dun let u read it.. i dun want someone who thinks tt he's the onli one revolving around mi.. i need my freedom.. i need my privacy.. i want someone who can give mi those.. i dun give a shit abt $$.. i juz want my freedom n privacy.. is tt so difficult to give to mi? so u think tt everytime u loosen ur grip on mi, i get into trouble? haf u tot of who's the one who is pushing mi into those trouble? who's the one cutting off my oxygen supply tt i haf to find an alternative way out?! n when i find my way out, u haf to stand in my way.. u wanna tok? wat's there to tok abt? u took the most impt things away from mi.. replacing them with U, URSELF! there's nth left to tok abt.. let mi tell u the truth.. i can do without u. so ur definition of a relationship is controlling each other, not giving each other any freedom, taking away their privacy n cutting their oxygen supply so much so tt they get suffocated n believe tt u're the onli able to relieve tt of suffocation? For goodness sake, u can jolly well go FUCK urself.. screw urself anyway u deem fit n get the hell out of my life! I dun need u.. let mi stress on those words.. I DUN NEED U. in fact, i think i'll be happier without u. so go ahead.. make my day.

Go ahead.. call mi a bitch or anything u want ppl.. i dun realli care.. cox u ppl dun noe anything.. all u see is someone who's sweet, nice, caring, concerned and so understanding towards mi.. n yet i dun appreciate tt person.. well.. think abt it.. if he's realli so nice and all, y the shit hell wud i say i dun need him. i dun care wat u ppl say.. go ahead.. call mi a bitch.. a slut.. go ahead.. do it in front of mi.

I need my space.. I need FREEDOM.. I wun tolerate being locked up.. I'll retaliate in ways u'll nv expect.. I'll even kill if tt's wat it takes to regain my freedom..

_w|sHiNgf0rYoU_
9:14 PM